Roteki Hotaru ([info]dewdropfirefly) wrote,
@ 2007-02-01 01:50:00
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Current mood: miserable

who ever knew that it was possible to mute even the echo of another
i had a really great day today until i got home and logged on to FFXI. now.. you would think.. that since its ohh.. i dunno... a GAME.. it would be a fun thing to do. but when you log in, and immediately get kicked out of your linkshell chat group, its like taking a nice relaxing lounge and suddenly getting punched in the gut by someone you trusted.

since i couldnt get into the shell to ask what the deal was, i wrote a post on their website/forum. considering how upset i was, i think it was actually rather tame. unsuprisingly, the post was deleted within an hour.

i'm not asking for sympathy, and none of you even have to read this... i just... ...i ...i need my words to be posted somewhere ... where they can't be just wiped away at someone else's discretion...



Initial Post:

hi there.
first of all, i'm sorry to everyone that i have a fairly demanding life outside of final fantasy xi, and that i do not meet the requirements of the new members to join the shell.

that said, i would like to say that i have been trying. i really have. regardless of how it may seem to any of you. and i've really been thrilled that i've been able to be a part of a number of the CoP missions recently, and been able to do capped stuff and feel at least sort of on equal ground with the other members in the parties.

i made a lot of friends in this shell, and every time i logged on i looked forward to saying hi and seeing how everyone was doing. just the other day i was sadly thinking to myself how i wished i lived close enough to go the the LAN party that i read is being planned for somewhere in PA. it tore at my heart when Pleth quit, because while my first loyalty is to him for being a friend outside of the game, i didnt want to leave all the freinds i had made in Anon.

you all were a good group of people, and it was a pleasure to spend time together.

~

i just logged on this evening, with the aim to work really hard and stay up all night until i was able to complete the CoP 3-3 fights and get all ready to do Diablos tomorrow with Jagged and everyone else coming with him. I was planning on even trying to leave work early so i could get online faster that evening.

i logged in, was about to say hi to everyone, and suddenly got a message saying I had just been kicked out of the shell.

no warning. no nothing.
i dont know who broke my pearl; and i dont know if it was an individual or a community decision.

but its FUCKING COWARDICE that whoever you were couldn't /tell me to my face that i was about to be booted, and what the reason was.

thank you to the rest of the shell for sharing your time, thoughts, good memories, and hardships with me. i loved being able to play this game with you.

to any involved parties, FUCK you for being such an inconsiderate asshole to me. especially when as far as i've known, i've never said a harsh word to a single person in this shell, and the only thing i know of that could have gained animosity is not being able to live up to the shell requirements that came in to effect AFTER i joined the group.


whatever the cause, whatever the circumstances, whatever anything- i dont want to be reinvited back in should the question arise. but if any of you who genuinely were my freind want to keep in touch, please add me to your friend list. i dont want to take the initiative and add you for the fear that i dont know what events led to my exile, and i no longer know who i can trust among you.


now i bid you all adieu before i start crying again~


--------


Follow-up Post:

I have to admit, I'm not really suprised you deleted my post.
While I did save it on a text file to my computer and I *could* just re-post it, I've decided I'm not that much of an ass. I can be the bigger person.


I still want to reiterate though that any of you who genuinely were my freind and would like to keep in touch, please add me to your friend list. I don't want to take the initiative and add you for the fear that I don't know what events led to my exile, and therefore no longer know who I can trust among you.

If you are one of those people, please don't take offense by this; I have had serious traumatic damage from trusting people I thought I could believe in before, and I honestly don't think I can stick my neck out right now. There are a number of you in mind who I really hope to hear from, and I've already found out that two of them shouldn't be there.

PLEASE don't delete this. Thats all that I ask of you. I just don't want to lose touch with some members of the shell who might not think I'm a useless existance. I'm begging you. Please.


(17 comments) - (Post a new comment)

*huggles*
[info]moakster
2007-02-01 02:12 pm UTC (link)
Like i said I yelled at both Rythor and Boda and should expect a full list of reasons from pook when he gets back from japan so in a month. If i still remember then what the hell i was talking about (Bartending school is killing me but its oh so fun) I will definately send it to you if you wanted otherwise i'll just attack it mercessily. I quit that shell under my own volition for a variety of reasons many of which probably sparked this new rash of getting rid of people but they are loosing people by the handful and honestly I think Lerris, Astura, and possibly moonstalker(he's brothers with icy and eld so it will be interesting)will be furious as well over this. Ahh well *huggles* you've already apparently found a new ls which honestly is probably better. This divide down the ls I honestly foresaw but honestly i expected it later not sooner.

(Reply to this) (Thread)
Re: *huggles*
[info]dewdropfirefly
2007-02-01 04:27 pm UTC (link)
yeah.. i'll be interested in hearing what pook has to say for himself. the only reason i can think of is that i wasnt level 65 and i wasnt high enough on the missions. but even with that, i was actively trying to do the missions.
oh, and apparently my post wasnt deleted, it was just 'moved for review' and then to be put into the members section. which is slightly ironic since i CANT GET INTO THAT anymore. =P lol.

one thing happened that brightened my morning though. Gorby wrote me a really nice PM saying he was sorry and wants to find out what the heck happened as well.

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)
Re: *huggles*
[info]moakster
2007-02-01 05:23 pm UTC (link)
If what rythor said is true it was simply level... which is bs if what boda says is true there were a lot of other factors, level, event attendence, not trying to gain levels, and a few other reasons all of which were bs due to not only your time but also the fact that the ls kinda left you and refused to help you get past the mammets until last sunday.. Honestly I think this entire thing was sparked by my ims to rythor saturday after i quit and pook was thinking and came to a bunch of decisions that he may have had planned for months just never really got around to it because rash decisions lead to quitting. Amusingly enough they got another person looking to join who is *mock shock* underleveled as well... Boda really isn't doing a good job of attempting to recruit people who are in the freeking level requirement... btu then again he isn't either... I say it again the Face of that strict ls is boda.... they're all doomed

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Re: *huggles*
[info]dewdropfirefly
2007-02-02 04:05 am UTC (link)
haha... thats kinda funny.
whatever.
as my dad said, "fuck 'em"
and as topher said, "this is when you get a picture and tape it to the target at the firing range"

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[info]awriterofthings
2007-02-01 03:40 pm UTC (link)
i don't really understand this whole shell thing- but it sounds unfair to kick someone out who falls behind.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

[info]dewdropfirefly
2007-02-01 04:35 pm UTC (link)
its basically like a private chat room for the members that you're always connected to no matter where you are in the game. i'd even go so far as to say it can be like your family in game.

its not so much that i fell behind... i've sort of been behind... but i'd always felt that the community was close enough that while they wouldn't necessarily invite new people in that werent high enough to their standards, there was at least a certain loyalty to the members who were in place before the restrictions were made.

think of it like having a group of friends in school, and then suddenly just becoming dead to them with no warning. ...which is an ironic analogy since that also happened to me in elementary school... ^^;

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[info]awriterofthings
2007-02-01 05:55 pm UTC (link)
ah... i know that feeling. that happened to me more often than not with my friends.

i was best friends with a girl that everyone liked. she moved to germany- and then all the other friends I had with jamie- dumped me. they were only my friend because I was friends with the cool girl. it sucked.

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[info]dewdropfirefly
2007-02-02 06:21 am UTC (link)
that's like... almost exactly what happened to me in 4th grade. only i think their ditching me was more of some kind of sick revenge for having been so close to the friend who moved. oh, and it was Sweden, not Germany. lol.

(Reply to this) (Parent)

[info]awriterofthings
2007-02-01 05:57 pm UTC (link)
If I had a shell I would never kick you out. ^^; Iunno if that helps any.

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[info]dewdropfirefly
2007-02-02 06:22 am UTC (link)
aww, thanks. =) it does actually.

(Reply to this) (Parent)
FFXI
[info]themonkeystale
2007-02-01 06:56 pm UTC (link)
This is why i don't play any more like you said it's supposed to be a game and fun, after a while of playing it again it sucked cause you had to spend like 6 hours to get a half a lvl and had to farm millions to buy regular armor for your lvl. If you didn't log on for like a day you missed something or were wasting your money. I ended up feeling like I had to set time aside to play and that I couldn't play at my leisure, plus the monthly fee. anyway sorry to hear your problem with the game, I'd say screw it... oh and get a Wii :) i got one and haven't had time to post about it + pics i have for it it'll be soon but the wii is so much fun...

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Re: FFXI
[info]dewdropfirefly
2007-02-02 06:12 am UTC (link)
heh.. i have a wii. and it is the ubernostrom. ^^ the twilight princess is the most kickass game in existance to date as far as i'm concerned too. XD

i really am about a hair's width to wanting to quit FF, but there are reasons I want to keep going with it, and so i shall until those reasons leave me. but i dont let other people's agendas dictate how i'm going to play.. and while that may be my downfall with it, it keeps it enjoyable for me. i at least do want to get my full thief AF, and be able to do things at that level, but i've honestly never felt that pull of 'needing to get to 75'

so... if you have a wii... have you got it hooked up to your wireless and have a friend code you could pass along? ;) i'll look mine up and send it to you this weekend ^^

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[info]goddessofmania
2007-02-01 10:58 pm UTC (link)
:( That just sucks. I mean, really, it's supposed to be a game and it's supposed to be fun. It's not meant to be another vehicle for people to feel either accepted or not accepted, you know? I'm sorry that you had to endure that from those selected people that destroyed your pearl. You don't deserve that. Because you are a wonderful, wonderful lady and should not be hurt like that, especially in a place that you felt safe and accepted.

Well, at least you still have those selected friends like moakster and others that have your back. And you know that you will always have me to protect you. Roar, Jenny Cat!

(Reply to this) (Thread)

[info]dewdropfirefly
2007-02-02 06:15 am UTC (link)
*huggle* ty =)
some people really do just suck. its a shame its such a challenge to find the good ones amongst all the rubbish.

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[info]goddessofmania
2007-02-03 03:50 am UTC (link)
I know! I mean, to quote a really corny cliche, but why can't people just get along? And stop being idiots!

*BIG HUGGLES* Because Vallie deserves it!

(Reply to this) (Parent)

[info]adylith
2007-02-01 11:59 pm UTC (link)
*snuggles* I'm sorry Val! They certainly weren't very nice to you, and you deserve better than that.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

[info]dewdropfirefly
2007-02-02 06:16 am UTC (link)
*snuggs back* ty

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